How to Win Friends & Change your World

We all change every day. Do we want to get smarter, wiser and stronger or just random changes? We think we know how make better decisions as we get older. And yet we always do irrational predictable stuff. The way to come around this by choosing your surroundings and the people you spend the most time with. So how do you get new friends that you can spend more time with? And how do we design our environment so it help us to make better decisions? 

Change

 How to Win Friends and Influence People [Start by Changing how you treat other people]

Today I did it. Bought the audiobook How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie on Audible and started listen to it. It has been on my to-do list for a long time. I just heard a good interview with Scott Dinsmore on the Podcast Knowledge for Men (episode 39) that it was one of his favourites books. So that finally triggered me to do it. I have read the sum up lists on Wikipedia and thought that, that was it. But no. The book is full with so much insight that it is a marvel for being written in 1937. And there in lies the great mystery.

If they knew back then, by empirical evidence, that it’s great to follow all this advice. Then why aren’t we all doing it today, almost 80 years later. Why aren’t these findings taught to every kid in every school?

Well, I don’t have an answer for that. What we can do is start talking about it and teaching it today.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Here is the first list that I wrote about in my first famous blogpost: Why are we so Groupish? Get a feel for it and if you want more just find the book yourself.

Ways to Make People Like You

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

How You Really Make Decisions [Mental Shotgun, Confirmation bias and so on…]

I also found the english version of the documentary that we saw here last monday in Sweden with Dan Ariely and Daniel Kahneman about all the ways that our human brain makes thinking errors. Go se it in english here from BBC Horizon: How You Really Make Decisions.

PAW-Kahneman

Daniel Kahneman – How You Really Make Decisions

Since there are som many ways that we can do things the wrong way there is only one way to make things better. To set up the surrounding world so that is helps us and not sets us back. Design institutions, cities, laws, work, processes so that they avoid all the fallacies of the brain. And there is a lot of them. Over 145 to Kahneman’s counting.

So If changing yourself is so hard. Change your surroundings and the people you spend time with instead. Design your environment and what you come in contact with on a daily basis. Then you will come along way — Michael Sillion

MayThe4th

If I put myself in new places and around new people, will I change?

Set yourself up For The Win [Architect the world around you]

Today I also found 2 great clips from The School of Life in London. Check them out:

Roman Krznaric – How to Find Fulfilling Work

John-Paul Flintoff – How to Change the World

Change isn’t hard. You do it every second. You just have to come aware of your actions. And it really helps if you have a vision, a goal or a mission to align your actions to. So go out and change yourself and the world around you so as it best align with the future that is your Destiny(nation). — Michael Sillion

/LordSillion
Holistic Thinking Ninja

Train your Empathizing skills #Blogg100

#030 [XXX]
The Empathy Revolution [Let us Reach out across Space & Time]

Know thyself to get along with others better

We are not the self-interested creature with selfish genes that many have lead us to believe. According to the latest science we are all born highly emphatic. And it’s a skill that we can train all our life. Get to know your inner self to see what masks you are wearing and how you play the Great Masquerade.

RomanKrznaric

I stumbled upon a RSA Animate that I have missed from last years RSA events. RSA Animate – The Power of Outrospection. And the full audio Podcast. It’s with Roman Krznaric who talks about how we can get more Empathy in our society. Here it is at the RSA: The Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

Train your Empathizing skills

Yes! It is possible and you should do some of this exercises every week. Also check out this Article about it: Six Habits of Highly Empathic People.

Habit 1: Cultivate curiosity about strangers

Highly emphatic people (HEPs) have an insatiable curiosity about strangers. Challenge yourself to have an interesting conversation each week with a stranger.

Habit 2: Challenge prejudices and discover commonalities

The fact is that as a Human being you have far more in common than not with every other human being on the planet. Challenge your prejudices by searching for what you share with other people rather than what differs between you. Talk to the Elephant and find Common Ground. Like I discuss in my blog Why are we so Groupish?

Habit 3: Get into “extreme sport” of experimental empathy

Try living another persons life. Try Live Action Role Playing (LARP) as another person that are living in another culture or in a different time. Go live in a village in a different country. Or do a “God Swap” if you are religious.

This is the most rewarding but also the hardest way to train to become a HEP. Here we can also roleplay meeting our own future generations and explain our actions to them. Or just maybe Future ME will have something to say about my own actions today. Go ahead. Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself.

“Hello Future Me! What will I think of my actions today?”

Hello Future Me!

Hello Future Me!

Roman Krznaric thinks we should get a Empathy Museum where you can go and have empathy experiences. What is it like to work under sweatshop conditions or in a plantation where they grow our food?

Habit 4: Practice the art of conversation

We must practice and listen to what is really going on emotionally in another persons life. Then we open up and exposes our own personal feelings. Removing our masks. I did this at my latest session in during WebCoast. See it here in Swedish

Habit 5: Inspire mass action and social change

We need make an emphatic mass-change to our whole society. One way to do this is to start with out children. We need to teach them empathy. Talk to them about morality and what consequences our actions and behavior has on others.

Empathy should be at the heart of our Social, Economic and Political decisions. Funny enough this correlates to the three games I came up with in my Game of Life blog. We must change this 3 global games so that “winning” in them means doing good.

Game of Social – Game of Money – Game of Power

Here we are still waiting to see what emerging effects Social Media and The Network Society can have. But if we are to believe thinkers like Don Tapscott it will bring about many exiting changes if we work hard and let it.

Habit 6: Develop an ambitious imagination. Become “Outrospective”

This is the Hardest Challenge of the all. To empathize with the “Enemy”. With those who think differently. We must stop Demonizing them and get under their skin instead. Especially those in Power. If we can understand how the leaders of worlds largest companies and our politicians are thinking we can more easily affect them and make them change course.

Here bureaucracy is a great roadblock to Empathy. And we must think of new ways to get around it.

Working good ethics into the core of companies modus operandi is essential making this world work in the long run. It has already started with companies that does Social Good and with Social Entrepreneurs.  But we have a long way to go still.

Do Good Shit! — Alex Bogusky

Teaching our children more Empathy [We can all get better] 

If we start early it will be much easier to be good at this skill. Although it is never to late for any of us.

We should be teaching this in every school all over the world. And we should be talking about it in every organization. Practice it on a weekly or daily basis. We must reach out across Space & Time!

What are our core values? And how should we reach them today and tomorrow?

VNV Nation – Space & Time

@LordSillion [Michael Sillion]