Life’s a pitch [How you can “Sell” and Persuade better]
We are constantly persuading others to use their time and resources to do things the way we want them done. How can you get better at this?
ABCs for persuading others
There are 3 keys in persuading others. These are the ABCs of persuasion: Attunement, Buoyancy, Clarity.
Attunement [Perspective taking]
Attunement is to bring oneself into harmony with other individuals, groups, and context. Listening to and understanding them. Mirroring back and Perspective taking.
This is when we mirror back another persons words, gestures and posture. We then end up seeing things from another person perspective. This triggers our mirror neurons in our brains and builds trust.
The most successful pitcher are the people who invite the other person in as a participate. See the pitching process as an invitation to collaborate. An invitation to give me your point of view. Pitch is a prelude to a to an engagement. The point of a pitch is to engage the other person so that you can have a continued conversation.
You must also build trust over time by befriending them.
Remembering and and saying another persons name is also great for building a relation. As my No.1 tip I say Befriend Everyone.
Lessen your power to increase it
When you feel more powerful you get worse on Perspective taking. So to increase your power you must feel less powerful and more humble.
Feelers and Thinkers
To be a successful negotiator you must ask yourself, what are they feeling. But Feelers are not the best at negotiate. Even if we like them to be. They are good, but Thinkers are even better. They are the ones who can figure out what others are interested in and what are they thinking. You must also understand that everyone has something that they hold sacred and will defended in a very irrational way.
“If you want to understand a group follow their sacredness. Wherever people sacralize something you will find: Ignorance, Blindness to the Truth and Resistance to evidence” — Jonathan Haidt
Buoyancy [Ability to stay afloat]
How do you remain afloat in an Ocean of Rejection? What should you do before, during and after an encounter?
Before an encounter you should question your abilities instead of pumping yourself up. This will make you aware of your weak points and better respond to them and not make you to overconfident.
During an encounter you should use more positive words and feelings. Here you must reach the Losada Ratio. With a ratio of at least 3 to 1 on positive words over negative words, but never more tan 11 to 1. That’s where people will start thinking you are crazy.
If you want to criticize someone and want the message to get through instead of rejected. You must first reach a Losada Ratio of 5 to 1.
After an Encounter we must be good at explaining failure and learn from it. This we can do with resilience training. According to Martin Seligman and his research there are 3 ways to do this. The opposite of personal, pervasive, and permanent. That is transient, situational, and specific. I had nothing to do with me. This things happens sometimes. We can learn from the outcome and adapt to it in the future.
A failure or setback is just temporary. I can change it and this was just this one occurrence.
This also the ability to adapt to change and failure. See Eddie Obeng and Smart Failure. I discuss this more in episode #092 [XCII] Adapt, Adapt, Adapt
Clarity [Distill information]
We must be able to filter through plethora of information that is available today. The capacity to make sense of murky situations. One of the most effective ways of moving others is to uncover challenges they may not know they have. Not only solve problems but To find Opportunities where others see none. The ability look into the future and predict where a bump in the road might occur.
“Roads? Where we are going we don’t need roads!” — Dr. Emmett Brown
Utility or Curiosity
He also mentions the best way to pitch in email form. The in order for a email to be opened the subject line most speak to our curiosity or must feel useful at the moment like I described in episode #072 [LXXII] How you can affect others better.
Yes and what about my question on Twitter? Where did it go? Yes, why we should do something is very important. See more about Simon Sinek in my blog.
If you want to change someone behavior you should always start explaining why before you explain how to do it and what you get when it’s done. And you must explain this on a personal level for each individual. Why they should do something and what they stand to gain.
Here is another blog about Daniel Pink’s RSA talk.